Scout Never Got That Uber Implant
by KHGiggle
Summary: Medic has completed the uber implants and feels the best course of action is to put them in the rest of the team. Scout disagrees. Takes place before Rapture.


Medic wanted to give everyone uber implants.

Scout had seen what Heavy could do with one. She knew they were really useful. She just…really, really did not want to have a surgery ever again. Honestly, she was scared of doctors in general.

Oh, and she was pretending to be a guy. Medic wasn't crazy enough to miss that.

So Scout was doing her best to avoid Medic. It was a lot more difficult during fights, but Medic was more interested in keeping everyone and himself alive than operating on someone. The rest of the time she just avoided the infirmary (which was something she was already doing) and checked to see if Medic was in a room before entering it. The only time she couldn't avoid him was during meals. It was getting harder to change the subject when he brought it up.

And then Archimedes flew up in her face.

"Gah! Geeze!" Scout quickly grabbed Archimedes. "Did you escape again?"

And then someone grabbed her from behind and wrapped their arms around her. "Got you!"

"What the-Medic?!" Archimedes flew over to Medic's shoulder. "What's the big idea?!"

Medic was already trying to drag her away. "You have been avoiding this surgery for long enough."

Scout's eyes widened in terror. "No!" She kicked against him physically, telekinetically, and with a cyclone trap. Medic was forced to let go and was knocked away. Scout immediately ran, not listening to his shouts.

For some reason the first place she ran was Engineer's workshop. He jumped as she slammed the door open and hid under his workbench. "What in Sam hill are you doing?!"

"Hiding from Medic!" Scout whisper-shouted. "Don't say anything!"

Engineer frowned. "Why?"

"He wants to do the uber implant thing!"

"…Why is that a problem?"

"It just is, okay!"

Engineer made an annoyed sound and went back to his project. Scout stayed under the workbench for a while with Medic not making any appearances. The only sound was Engineer occasionally humming.

"You afraid of doctors or something?" Engineer finally asked.

Scout peeked out to make sure Medic wasn't lurking out there and ducked back out from under the workbench. "Sort of? I'm okay with 'em once I get to know 'em, but Medic is so crazy and scary! I don't get why you guys let him cut you open!"

"The Respawn keeps any mistakes from killing us," said Engineer. "Besides, the uber implant _is_ useful. You'll probably need to get it at some point."

Scout shook her head emphatically. "Nope, no, not happening. I'd rather get shot a thousand times. Besides, he wouldn't be able to keep up with me."

Engineer nodded in agreement with the last bit of the sentence because the fact was the only person who could keep up with Scout was the BLU Scout. "But if you're in a situation where you can't run?"

"I'll shoot! Besides, why would Medic be with me in that sort of situation?'

Engineer frowned. "You're going to keep being difficult about this until he drags you to the infirmary and does the operation, aren't you?"

"Yes!" she said with absolutely no shame.

Engineer sighed but let her be until she decided it was safe enough to sneak out and barricade herself in her room.

The next day, she was walking to the shower…and was then grabbed by Heavy. "Whoa! What's the big idea?!"

"Doktor has been complaining-"

"Oh fuck no! Put me down! I don't wanna be anywhere near him!"

"Little Scout should stop complaining like baby."

"Fuck you! I _hate_ doctors!" The only one she could stand was her Ma. "And I like my heart!"

Heavy ignored her and took her to the infirmary while she cursed, struggled, and even tried to use telekinesis on him. He was freakishly strong enough to keep hold of her though and managed to get her to the infirmary, where Medic was already waiting. He grinned. "Excellent! Would you help me strap her to the gurney?"

Scout kept struggling the whole time they were strapping her down, but they managed. "I believe I can manage from here on out," said Medic. "Although if you decide to wait outside, I won't stop you."

Heavy nodded and walked out.

Scout tried to focus her telekinesis on the straps, but it was difficult with how freaked out she was. She was further distracted when Archimedes decided to perch on her head. "Oh come on! I'll be fine without the stupid uber! You hardly ever even heal beam me long enough for that!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby," said Medic. "The mounted medibeam will be on the whole time. You won't feel a thing."

"I don't care! I don't want you cutting me up!" Scout felt like she was going to cry, throw up, or both. "Please!"

Medic frowned. "Scout, I already know about your gender."

Scout blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

"I'm a doctor. I can tell the difference between male and female bodies. Given you're very good at cross dressing. I wasn't sure if you were male or female until I put you in a hold yesterday."

Did…Did Medic just admit to copping a feel? She hadn't felt anything like that. He had had an arm over her chest though, and she couldn't wear a binder with how active the job required her to be.

"Speaking of, are you transgender?" asked Medic. "Because I could help you with that along with the uber operation."

"I'm gender neutral," Scout said quickly. "I'm just sticking to being a guy because I'm the only girl on base. Oh God, please don't tell anyone."

"Sure thing," said Medic, patting her shoulder. He suddenly frowned. "Oh, of all the-" He walked a few feet away before returning and putting something in Scout's mouth. She moved it around for a moment and realized it was a thermometer. She gave Medic a confused look as he impatiently tapped his wrist. He took out the thermometer after a moment and facepalmed. "You have a fever."

Scout blinked. She'd always run hot, around 100 degrees. It was a side effect of the Incinerate plasmid. She'd never mentioned that though, so Medic would think she was sick. "Uh, is that bad?"

"I can't operate on you while you're sick. It can cause complications," explained Medic.

Scout blinked. "Seriously?" she asked in disbelief.

"If you choke on your mucus and die before I'm done, I'll have to do the whole thing over again," explained Medic.

That sounded more like him. "Can I go then?"

Medic made an annoyed sound and started unstrapping her. "This isn't over. As soon as you have recovered I'm performing the operation."

"Okay." The fever wasn't going anywhere. She'd just pretend she had some sort of long term illness or something…Would that work? She'd still be able to fight. Then again she didn't think Medic actually had a medical license. She high tailed it out of there as soon as she was unstrapped, passing Heavy on her way out.

Medic did not let it go. Two days later, he suddenly shoved a thermometer into her mouth while she was eating breakfast. He glared at it when he took it out. "You're cleanin' that, right?" asked Scout.

"As needed."

"Oh that is so gross!" She promptly went back to her room to thoroughly brush her teeth and tongue. She wasn't able to finish her breakfast before the day's matches.

Scout was prepared next time Medic tried taking her temperature. "Hell no, at least let me finish my food first!" she complained as she tried to fend him off.

"I need to see if you're still sick!"

"Dude, you can wait five minutes!" He could wait until after the match, but Scout wasn't pushing her luck. "I wanna finish eating!"

"I'm confused," said Demo.

"Little Scout is afraid of doctors," said Heavy.

"I have a good reason!"

"And is refusing uber operation," finished Heavy.

Engineer groaned. "You're still doing that?"

"Not my fault I have a fever," muttered Scout.

"Of course it is your fault! Sickness is a sign of weakness!" shouted Soldier. Anything else he was preparing to say was cut off by Scout flinging a spoonful of eggs at his face. The fight this caused kept Medic from making any more attempts to check her temperature that day.

After a couple of weeks, Medic managed to bribe Soldier and Demo to drag her back to the infirmary. "But I still have a fever!"

"Exactly! How long do your illnesses usually last?" asked Medic.

That was hard to say. She didn't get sick very often. "Uh, a few days?"

"See?! You should have recovered by now!" Medic narrowed his eyes. "Unless you're doing this on purpose…"

"I totally would," admitted Scout. "But I have no idea how I'd do that."

Medic gave her a look. "I'm taking an X-ray. I'm going to figure out what's going on if it kills you."

Scout was suddenly very thankful the respawn worked even when they weren't fighting. It was a good thing too because that's where she ended up two hours later after Medic tried removing her lungs to get a closer look at them.

So. Fucking. Crazy.

It was such a relief when he found out about ADAM and decided it would be too risky to give her an uber implant.


End file.
